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| As I sit here in my office with 1001 things to do, I am pouring over a dozen hours of Gathering praise band video. I discovered, hidden at the end of one tape, almost buried under all the fast-paced, jazzed-up Christian rock, something that turns me inside-out. I mean it is giving me that thickness in my throat and the swelling eyes and the vertigo stomach. Its a video of Linda, Amanda, and Tim in church on a Sunday morning playing El Shaddai. Just the three of them, with Tim on guitar. No piano, no drums, no distortion or keyboard. And it hit me like a ton of bricks, the one thing that we so often missed about Tim. He had a real sweetness. Thats the only word to describe it. Though it was something rarely seen, this video just lays it out. The way he plays the song, you can tell he cares so much about making this song with his sister and mom right. You can see the time he practiced. You can see the concentration. You can see it in the gentle way he handles his guitar. Just like the song is stripped to is bare elements, six strings and two voices, so is Tim. No bravado. No "look at me". Just Tim, trying his hardest to please his Mom and sister, and his God. Its all right there, preserved forever in pixels on my screen and 0's and 1's on my hard drive. And it was always there, like a hidden gem at the end of a four hour video, the often hidden sweetness that Tim had. I hope that everyone that knew Tim had a chance to discover it, or to see a glimpse of it. It took me hours and hours of searching, but it was worth it to find this one thing. The final missing piece of Tim that I knew was there, but needed to rediscover for myself. -m El-Shaddai, El-Shaddai [means "God Almighty, God Almighty"]
El-Elyon na Adonai [means "God in the highest, Oh, Lord"]
Age to age, You're still the same
By the power of the name.
El-Shaddai, El-Shaddai
Erkamka na Adonai [means "We will love You, Oh, Lord"]
We will praise and lift You high
El-Shaddai
Through Your love
And through the ram,
You saved the son
Of Abraham.
Through the power
Of Your hand,
Turned the sea
Into dry land.
To the outcast
On her knees,
You were the God
Who really sees.
And by Your might,
You set Your children free.
[Chorus]
Through the years,
You made it clear,
That the time of Christ
Was near,
Though the people
Couldn't see
What Messiah ought to be.
Though Your Word
Contained the plan,
They just could not understand,
Your most awesome work was done
Though the frailty of Your son.
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| Ahhh... Tim. This is my attempt to lay out my feelings and thoughts about a person as unique and multi-faceted as I have known. He was a military man, no doubt about it. Though he often went chin to chin with superiors, and paid the price (which was always worth it), it was still in the walk, the talk, the attitude, the hair. Tim had become a solider, and no matter what he said, he liked it. It gave him some purpose, some pride. He wore the uniform well, and the few times I saw him in it, with pride. He went to Iraq. He did not get politcal about it, he did not make a big fuss. He got medals. He was a musician, that was where his heart was, and the level on which I related to him most. He played tons of instruments, some of them pretty well. He loved to sing and play guitar the most, and was always looking for an opportunity to play, or maybe I should say, be heard. He practiced and learned and practiced more, his commitment to playing and learning always put me to shame. Though he often had a problem with his volume knob, slowly shifting spontaneously toward "11" without a touch from him, he was a rock-solid partner in the praise band that we shared for a few years. If he said he would learn a lead, he would learn it; then turn it up. He loved all types of music from praise and worship, to hard rock, to everything in-between, as evidenced by the Whitesnake song on his myspace which was released when he was 2. He was still a boy, in so many ways. He was insecure, so concerned of how he was percieved. The girls, the guys, he wanted to stand out, to be noticed, to be loved. He could not get it through his thick skull that there were those of us that truly did like him and care for him. His self-concept would not let him, and I blame his no-good Dad for a lot of that. It was so frustrating to try and explain to Tim that he was talented, and likeable; that he did not need to put on a big dog and pony show, toting out his new this and big that and shiny wahts-it and the most thing-a-ma-bobs. But he did. Every time I saw him. How can someone be the biggest, baddest, best at everything and still be so insecure? I wish we had more time to work on that. It truly was his only flaw, and it affected all that he did. I wish I had done more. I wish... Tim was a work in progress and work was progressing. It is a true shame that we will never know the Tim that was to be. The self-confident and settled Tim. The content Tim. The Tim who found his place in this world and in his skin. But I am glad I had the chance to know him and his family. I truly will never forget him. -m | | |
| Ok, maybe I can say that I am 37 and enjoy playing guitar and listening to Christian music. Especially Seven Places, Bleach, Sanctus Real, Switchfoot, Shane Barnard, Relient K, and other contemporary artists. Thats all! -m | | |
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